We didn't know whether we were adding another boy or another girl to our family until delivery day; something we had not done with any of the other three kids; and the experience is one I won't ever forget. It felt like almost 90% of people who gave their 'weigh in' with their gender guess was team blue; so there were a lot of surprised people out there; myself included.
I didn't have a 'feeling' one way or the other throughout my entire pregnancy; however at some point in the final two weeks, I began to get these little inklings that I'd once again have the experience of bringing up a bouncing baby boy. I had one, and only one, dream about the specific gender of the baby; and it was even on the same night that Raegan's teacher had a dream about the baby as well. The consensus for both our dreams was a baby boy.
So when this lil miss arrived; needless to say, my eyes were wide and my jaw, dropped.
I was asked so often if I had a preference one way or the other; and my answer was that; honestly? I didn't have one. I really and truly would have loved to have the experience of another little boy, because it's been so very long since I've had a sweet bruiser of a boy come running to me with an armload of trucks and train cars; wanting to use my legs as mountains and tunnels for his imaginary adventures. But, ohh...a little girl. The bows, the ruffles, the whole idea of another little mini following in my footsteps {as well as the footsteps of two amazing older sisters}. I really loved that idea as well. Because, #mostrecentexperience {and also; I love raising my girls to become strong and capable, kind and world-changing women}.
I remember telling Randy my reservations and fear that I'd have feelings of disappointment if the baby wasn't the gender I had 'felt' in my dream a few short days before delivery. The phrase 'ultra surprise' was what he used to describe what I had pessimistically labeled disappointment. I liked the positivity of that descriptor; and, as
Jameson Rose.
When we were thinking of names for the baby, Randy and I decided pretty quickly one evening during the first trimester. We typed our choices for each gender into the pregnancy app I'd downloaded and kept them quiet from everyone. We never really said the names out loud, because, with three other kids, our house literally has ears.
It wasn't until the third trimester hit that I really began to {silently} add the choices we'd made onto the roster of names I'd holler up the stairs when I needed the kids to fold laundry/come down for dinner/stop fighting. I don't know what it was, but something about each of the names we'd chosen so many weeks earlier just wasn't quite grabbing me like they had done once before. I really liked them, and I knew that whichever one we'd end up with would grow on me over time along with the sweet babe who owned it; but I just...I don't know. Wasn't feeling it. I began to re-scan list upon list of unique baby names, uncommon baby names, baby names that end with a short-vowel-n {the one clue we gave people about what the name would be}. And that's when I remembered.
A name we had once tossed around when we were expecting {what we thought was our final} baby #3. Jameson. A name we both liked, but upon finding out we were expecting a girl, set aside for reasons led by worry that this seemingly more 'masculine' name would not be widely accepted for a little girl. After all, if you do any sort of search on the name, the results are tied to the label 'boy names'.
But this time. This time the name wormed its way back into my mind, began to find its place at the end of the litany of names I shout out each day. This time it nestled in well along side Gavin, Brynn, and Raegan. It worked. And the best part was I felt like it worked for both a baby boy or a baby girl {and also? whiskey. it works for whiskey. and, yes. we've been asked. and no, whiskey is in no way linked to conception. [plus? Randy's a Crown kinda guy]}. I digress.
Back to the baby names yet again, only this time in search of middle names for each gender. Really, we didn't take too long to decide--our conversations about baby names have always been pretty low-maintenance. Rose became the top female contender pretty quickly for it's beauty and simplicity; and, in keeping with our arrow and 'fourward' theme, Archer became our choice for a boy. I felt a resurgence of excitement for this new little person we were about to welcome into our family. And it took a large amount of restraint to not go ahead and just add our self-proclaimed gender neutral baby name to the nursery decor or the litany of names I have tattooed on my arm. Alas, the ink will wait for a little.
There are expectant parents who pore over lists of baby names; making selections based upon the meaning of the name. A practice that I fully respect; and confidently acknowledge as 'not what works for me'. I love words {obviously}, so to try and select meanings behind baby names that I'd want to define our child...? The poor kid would probably have 7 names, because I just couldn't narrow it down.
So it was of no surprise to me when I looked up the meaning and discovered a little porthole pathway to the Bible. Because, if ever there's a way to find God, it's in the miracle of a baby. Especially in this baby. Our unexpected surprise baby who steered us away from the pathway we had selfishly {and stupidly} tried to navigate toward--the divergent path of divorce.
{He used a baby to change the course of [our] future. Hmmm. Sounds familiar.}
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make the inference that Jameson means 'son of James'. James is derived from the Hebrew 'Yaakov', which is the origination of the name Jacob. And now Jacob {stay with me} is often thought to be derived from the word 'akev'--the literal translation of which is 'at the heel'.
Jacob was the son of Rebecca and Issac, grandson of Sarah and Abraham {you know, the father of the Christian faith}. Jacob was also a twin. It is said in Genesis 25:26 that when he was born, he came out grabbing his twin {Esau} by the heel; thus his name. Another name associated with Jacob is 'Supplanter'. To supplant is to take the place of another, to replace. In the Bible, Jacob was a supplanter, but eventually was willing to completely submit to God's will.
When I read all of this {and more...because I always read more}, I couldn't help but smile at the way He was woven into the whole story behind a name we 'just happened to like', yet put on a shelf a while back only to bring it back out for such a time as this.
My pregnancy with Jameson was essentially grabbing the heel of a marriage that was on the brink of divorce. It wasn't an easy road to traverse, but ultimately, those nine months were in some way, a suppplanter. They replaced what we thought was our plan with His. It took work, takes work, and will continue to take work; but the path toward divergence was replaced with a path toward reconciliation, and growth.
Jacob's life was one filled with struggle and poor decisions. In the Bible, Jacob had been a liar. He was deceitful to those closest to him. He was self-centered. He thought he could find happiness apart from God; thought he could control his life. But God didn't allow him to succeed without HIM. He blocked Jacob's efforts to satisfy himself and led him back to HIM. His family was somewhat of a mess, yet in the end, he was the one who set things straight. God used him. When Jacob was wrestling with God; he was persistent and refused to let go until God blessed him {Gen. 32:24-26}. Persistence paid off; for God changed Jacob's name to Israel, which means 'he strives with God' {Gen 32:28}.
'Jacob', a man whose character changed so radically that God changed his name {as well as the course of his life} made way for 'James' which then opened the door for Jameson. A name we so happened to choose for a child we were definitely not expecting; but through the grace of God has changed the course of our lives. A name we so happened to choose for a child who came into our lives at a time when we thought we could control our lives and satisfy ourselves by breaking apart the thing that God had put together.
I know there are people who think that Jameson reads more masculine than feminine; and while that may seem to be true, if there's one thing I know it's that if this girl; this tiny little miracle is strong enough to grab the heels of her parents and bring their paths back toward each other again, she is definitely strong enough to carry her name. And while we didn't have the opportunity to use Archer, she is definitely mommy and daddy's arrow.
